Thanks for the nomination #StandUpToCancer. We're smashing cancer with a little help from @jonsnowC4. Over to you George, Fred, Tim & Simon pic.twitter.com/FoJKfV6xO9— Channel 4 (@Channel4) October 10, 2016
Smashing an egg doesn't reverse the mutations that lead to cancer.
Smashing an egg doesn't make cancer easier to spot.
Smashing an egg doesn't make money for cancer research.
Smashing an egg doesn't make people sign up for blood and bone marrow donation.
Smashing an egg doesn't do anything at all for Stage IV cancer.
(Stage IV cancer is "Sorry Mrs Hudson, there's nothing we can do" cancer.)
Smashing an egg is probably not going to make anyone frustrated with cancer feel better. It's a fucking egg. Smash up the china section of John Lewis after scrawling 'cancer' all over the plates, and you might feel a bit less frustrated*.
Smashing an egg doesn't do anything except get Jon Snow's face all over Twitter.
To quote, you know nothing Jon Snow.
Instead, take your egg. Boil it. When the water comes to the boil, put your toast in. When the toast pops, take your egg out, decapitate it, butter your toast thickly, sprinkle with salt and eat. That's a good and useful thing to do with an egg.
Perhaps I'm being sensitive. Mum's still dying. Who knew dying could be so difficult? What nobody tells you on these cancer adverts, on these smashed eggs, on these tits-out-for-cancer memes is that dying of cancer is hard.
My mum has lost around five stone, maybe more. My mum can't stay awake. My mum is in pain, despite strong opiates. My mum is chronically dehydrated. My mum can barely speak. My mum hurts.
My mum is so glad to be alive.
Three months ago, my mum was still at work.
Cancer is vicious. Cancer hurts. People you know are dying of it, and they maybe don't even know they have it. Cancer is terrifying. Cancer is not a smashed egg on the floor, looking for clicks and shares.
If you would like to do something genuinely useful for cancer, please consider:
Donating blood. Blood products are so useful in almost all cancer care.
Donating bone marrow. Some types of blood cancer can only be treated by bone marrow transplants. You won't be asked to donate unless you're a tissue match, so it's only spitting in a cup.
Donating to Macmillan in my mum's name. Macmillan nurses offer a lot of practical and emotional support, and also coordinate cancer care.
Donating to SecondHope who are researching treatment for Stage IV breast cancer
If you are in Lincolnshire, donating to St Barnabas Hospice who are helping Mum stay at home.
Donating to Cancer Research UK who have coordinated the Stand Up To Cancer campaign and for whom the initial egg was smashed in the first place.
Your money makes a difference. Cancer doesn't agree to give you a freebie cure in exchange for likes and shares.
* Please don't. Cancer doesn't get you out of criminal vandalism, alas.
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