Quite Accomplished Now Really, If I'm Honest

When I started this blog, it was specifically to chart my educational progress with the Open University and the ranting was just a nice side-project.

I decided to sign up to do a degree in October 2011, thinking maybe I would be able to get a better job with a degree. I started my first module about a month later. I had zero confidence. I had zero self-esteem. I had just come out of a hideous breakup, left my job, had two very small children and I didn't know what else to do with myself. My first module started in February 2012, when my (then) youngest was ten months, and my eldest was thirty four months. Neither of them were at preschool at that point. I lived on my own. I was bored. I was angry. I was determined.

So I worked. I worked nonstop for four years to achieve my undergraduate degree in June 2016, with first class honours. During that time, I got divorced, remarried, had another baby, got my eldest diagnosed with autism. Uni was the basenote through those four, strange years, always there to focus on when everything else was going to shit.

July 2016, I was awarded my degree, my kids finished school for the summer. What next? What next? I couldn't bear the thought of having nothing to do, and Alex was only just one. I had developed a all-consuming passionate hobby in family history, and decided to have a stab at a history masters to professionalise my credentials.

Three days later, Mum got ill. You know that story. You know how that ended.

But I carried on. I could have stopped. Nobody would have been surprised if I'd deferred. But I needed the framework, I had to have something that wasn't mourning, something I could do that she would have loved, that I could do in her memory. As time went on, it stopped being about Mum and started being about the people whose deaths I was studying, it started being about bringing long forgotten processes to light, it started being about something more useful than a mere grief process.

From May 2018 until January 2019, I worked like a demon, reading everything relevant, spending hours researching Every Single Woman in the Assizes in Northamptonshire in a Thirteen Year Span to make one pie chart. I started to pull it together. My dissertation was titled Infant Death in the Coroner's Court, but it was about women and mothers, childcare and illegitimacy, and the juxtaposition of working-class women in a court of men. It was about the deliberate exclusion of women from judicial process concerning them, judicial process where their lives were at stake. It was about how limited networks of men developed in cities, to judge and govern the lower classes. It was about gendered space. It was about how we used to live, and how we used to die.

I had my mum in mind while I wrote it, and I thought of her experience, and how she might have been treated had my brother been born one hundred years earlier, and how she might have been treated had he been born even ten years later.

I passed. I passed with merit.

This masters is for me. 

For my mum. 

For the women whose stories I was privileged to tell in my dissertation. 

For my kids who, I hope, will understand why Mummy never stopped wanting to learn. 

I couldn't have done it without my beloved husband, who never read a word of it but patiently listened to me bellowing on about it most days. Or without my in-laws, who looked after Alex while I went to the library every week to transcribe the relevant data set. Or without my sister, Jess, who DID read every word of it, and provided feedback as well as being a soundboard for me sorting out arguments in my head. My siblings, my Dad, my friends, random people in the library, who have listened to me blarting on about dead babies over the last year  - you're all saints, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I couldn't have done any of it without the OU, and my tutors, or without the expert guidance of Peterborough archive staff, and the Coroner's Society historian. Or without my Learned Friends, especially Dr B.

You've all been the most magnificent cheerleaders. I am so grateful. I graduate in June: I didn't bother with my undergrad graduation, because Mum was about to die, but this time, I will.

What happens next? I don't know. I don't want to stop, but I also recognise that I  might have to. I've developed a business from this, and you can find me at Sophie Michell's Family Research if you want to HIRE ME, as I am now OFFICIALLY a professional historian.

Results 2015

I genuinely didn't think I would care about my results. I thought I'd either have just given birth or be extraordinarily pregnant, and Thu beyond such minor concerns.
I was wrong. Our gorgeous boy was born at the beginning of July, and results were released a week later. I got to the point of obsessively checking for them within a few days of release. It suddenly felt important to have succeeded after successfully delivering my baby.

And I did.
In biology (SDK125), I gained a pass 2. Considering I was immensely pregnant when I took the exam, I am really proud of this. But, ultimately, I only needed a pass, as it doesn't contribute to my final classification.
So, I was absolutely fucking ecstatic to gain a DISTINCTION in public health (K311).

I have one module left, and start K319 (Adulthood, Ageing and the Lifecourse) in October. It will be the first time I've just done one module in several years. I figure that's the way to compensate for a tiny, breastfeeding baby and his two brothers stealing all my time.
It feels strange to be coming to the end. But I already madly miss studying, so bring it on.

University Year 4: Complete

Another year of uni is over. I have time, at last, to focus on my special summer project. It's a little more intensive than the usual voluntary census transcription...

How did it go? Well...I WANTED to be pregnant this academic year, so I only have myself to blame for the difficulty of it all. I thought I knew how difficult it would be, reasoning that doing the previous three years with an autistic preschooler/child and a baby/toddler/preschooler was quite hard as well. I did not know how hard it would be. It was...fucking hard. I got pregnant pretty much the week the course started, and was plagued by anxiety, exhaustion, nausea, sciatica, pelvic pain, anaemia, ligament pains, oedema (thank you, summer) and the mental treacle of baby brain. I am never doing it again.
These are my OCAS marks. Not bad for such a crap eight months:

The EMA for K311 was a huge challenge, which I perversely rather enjoyed, but it's not exaggerating to say that module was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I did the exam for SDK125 this morning. I couldn't start revising (well, in any meaningful way) until I'd got the EMA submitted, which gave me a little over a week. I revised like someone of brittle sanity until about 10:30 last night, when I figured if I don't know it now, I'm not gonna know it. I think I probably passed, although I probably should have checked I had a calculator that could cope with numbers like 0.4x10¹⁴. I got the exam done in 70 minutes (the hit and run method, my favourite) and escaped in a rush of joy...without my cardigan. I have to say, the OU are brilliant if you're very pregnant and doing an exam. I could have done it at home (being 36 weeks today), but instead was permitted to take a cushion in to sit on and have half an hour rest if I needed it.

I find out if I pass about a week after the baby's due. I cannot imagine I will care ALL that much by that point, but I would prefer NOT to resit anything.
I am a glutton for punishment, however, and start again in October doing my FINAL MODULE. The end is in sight. I've signed up for K319: Adulthood, Ageing and the Lifecourse, a 60 credit level 3 course. We just have to hope the baby likes sleep, and doesn't object to mummy being on the laptop for the duration of the school day.  I'm quite prepared to defer if I have to, but I do like a challenge. Masochism runs strong in my blood.

And after that? A masters, perhaps, but more on that if I ever finish this bloody BSc.

Results

So, about six weeks ago, I sat some exams. And today, 8 days early, I got the results.

Hem hem.

For SK277 Human Biology, I got a PASS TWO.

And for A218 History of Medicine, I got...wait for it...

A DISTINCTION

I'm still BUZZING over that. I sat that exam in such a woozy haze of infection, I honestly thought I'd be lucky to scrape a pass.

So, I've finished level 2 completely now. I got a first, 2:1 and 2:1, so hopefully I might get an alright degree classification when I get that far.

For my next trick, I'm doing two modules together again. One is a 30 credit level one called SDK125: Introducing Health Science, A Case Study Approach. This is a free choice module, that I'm doing partly because I need that many credits, and partly because health practice is where I'm from and I'm looking forward to doing more of that sort of work.

My BIG module is K311: Promoting Public Health: Skills, Perspectives and Practice. That's a 60 credit level 3, with an EMA at the end. I really didn't want to do two exams together again. When I was working, I did a lot of public health type work. Not specifically in that domain, but general health surveillance, and trying to encourage people to come for health checks, and vaccinations, and finding out why people didn't come in. Public health is something I have an increasing interest in, and I'm really excited to learn more. Although I suspect I will end up ruing the day I thought it was a good idea.

BUT FIRST I'm getting married on 8th August, so I'll be someone's wife again by then. Eeek.

Halfway

It's been an age since I wrote about my studies. In that time, I've got divorced (huzzah), engaged (more huzzah), and my eldest has been diagnosed with autism. So, it's been a busy few months, but I have hit the halfway point on both courses.

A218, or history of medicine, is the bigger of the two courses. In the last few months, I've learned far more than I thought I would ever need to know about the rise of medicine from the Ancient Greeks to the Enlightenment, when things actually began to change. What interests me most is the way governments used the new discoveries and trends in health to keep an eye on the population (and pathology, but there's not been a lot of pathology thus far). This interest in public health has led me to elect to do a level 3 module in it next year. My TMA results have been solid - 80%, 79% (that would have been 86%, had I not gone massively over the word count) and 84%. I am really pleased with these marks. I wasn't sure if I was cut out for history, but I'm loving using sources to back up arguments in a way you can't with sociology.

SK277, or human biology, is the shorter of the courses, but by no means the easier. The biology is mainly framed as "This is the system, this is what happens when it goes wrong", which is fine but SO intricate. There is a lot more cellular level biology and biological chemistry than I was expecting. I started this course thinking "I know LOADS about anatomy and physiology" and I do...but not nearly as much as I thought. So far, it's covered cells, nutrition and the GI systems, neurology, skeletal system, muscles, the senses and my arch enemy, endocrinology. My TMAs have been really good - 83% and 88% - but don't contribute to my final mark. That's all on the exam. Eek.

It's been a challenge doing 90 credits, moreso since eldest still isn't in full time schooling because of his special needs, but I've found it rewarding and enjoyable, with the odd moments of despairing, hateful anxiety (TMA weeks, I'm looking at you). I can't wait to do the next half...except for the exams. I bloody loathe exams.

Exam results

I got my exam results on Friday.

I got 63%, which is a Pass 3. However, with my OCAS being 80%, my module result is a Pass 2, or a 2:1, or a B, depending on how you score such things.

HUZZAH!


For what it's worth, the exam was an absolute beast. Of the 200+ participants, nobody got a distinction, a scant handful got a pass 2 and the majority were in the pass 3 and 4 categories. So, I am proud that I managed to score relatively highly, and get a pass 2 on the whole module.

My next modules start on October 5th. I've started to buy the set books for the medicine history course. I'm also reading around the subject somewhat. The human biology course has no set books. I have a moderately good knowledge of anatomy already, so we'll see how that goes!

Module Results

Of the 1500 students that took the K101 exam, around 6% got a first (85-100%).

I was one of them.

I cannot believe it. I got 90%!

Added to my TMA average of 69%, I got a PASS! No distinction, coz my TMA scores weren't high enough, but I don't care. 90%. It's unbelievable. On all three questions, I got a first (they don't give you exact percentages, just the marking band your answer was in).

So, that's K101 done and dusted. My first year complete, my first module attained. Only seven more to do...

A tale of wristy woe

A long time ago (1990), in a far away place (Bourne), a five year old girl punched a french window. The glass was illegally thin and the girl ripped her right arm to the bone, from wrist to elbow. By miracle or chance, the girl's radial artery was missed by millimetres.
Some plastic surgery, fifty stitches and a couple of nights in hospital, and she was home. She was five, she was resilient and, (filthy, thick shark-bite scar aside) she was fine.

But alas, the girl grew older and larger. The scar tissue from the repair of her tendons and ligaments did not grow with her, and her right hand was permanently weakened. However, by this time, word processing had become the norm. Handwriting was old fashioned, and she joined the workforce entirely computer literate, confident that she would never have to handwrite anything longer than a shopping list again. The only other lingering ill effect was a lifetime phobia of wrists.

Then she started a degree module with a three hour, handwritten exam at the end of it.

DO YOU SEE THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE?

I have a weak grip in my right hand. When the weather changes, it gets worse. So, I can imagine in mid-October, it's going to be hard to write. And that's when my exam is.
I need to start strengthening exercises NOW. When I say it's weak, sometimes all the power goes out and it's like I have a wet fish attached to my wrist. I cannot be doing with THAT when I have loads to write.

In joyful news of joy, I achieved 80% on my last TMA and have now achieved the pass grade on continuous assessment, with two more TMAs to go. I am HAPPY about this :-D

Motivation!

Motivation! You're back! Thank God!

I cannot lie, my motivation has been flagging like a bitch of late.
I've just been pottytraining my eldest, my baby's turned into a mobile, happy MONSTER and I can't seem to leave the two of them for five minutes to get on. They're either engaged in A WAR (aged 3y and 14m, there's no hope of a peaceful life) or the elder is crapping on the floor, or the younger is halfway up the stairs. What I really need is four LONG arms, six hands and eight pairs of eyes. Mutant mothers are the future.

So, I finished block 3 and wrote a TMA following the guidelines exactly. I did this because I didn't particularly enjoy the content (institutionalised racism, something that disgusts me to my core) and my personal reaction to the question was BURN ALL RACISTS. This was unlikely to get me decent marks. I also had to stay away from the facebook group for my course, where people suggested diversity was a Bad Thing, in case I actually ragegasmed all over the group page. It was, to say the least, an emotive topic.
When I worked at a GP surgery, I came across indirect racism on a daily basis: "Is the doctor...ENGLISH?", patients would hiss across the reception desk. "I don't want to see that black one again". And also, direct racism, usually bellowed at the door of the offending clinician. Racist patients generally assumed that we reception staff (entirely white british) would wholeheartedly agree with them, and were always surprised when we pulled them up on it or reported it for further investigation. I never experienced any racism from staff to patients, but the patient population was 99% white, against a doctor population that was 10% white. The majority ethnicity ruled the day. It sickened me then, it sickens me now.

ANYWAY, back to the point, I wrote the TMA with as little personal inflection as I could, toning down the journalistic urge to use emotive language. I also wrote it firmly against the guidelines and I got...

MY FIRST PASS TWO!

(or a B, or a 2:1)

70%, basically

Previously, I've had 60% and 61%, neither of which I was remotely pleased with.

This has cheered me up beyond measure, and I have powered on with some of TMA04 today. The rest has to wait for the project (o'doom) which starts tomorrow, on evaluating information on the internet. I also have to finish a bit of block 4. Next month, I've got two TMAs due within a couple of weeks, because of the way the project has fallen, so I shall be a busy bee. Doubtless outside will be all sunshine and roses and I will be in my dining room, sweating and swearing at my laptop and brain. Or it'll piss down with rain.



Has anyone seen my confidence?

I got 61% in my second TMA.
I am sorely disappointed and feel, quite simply, thick as shit. That's a 1% increase on my first TMA. One. Per. Cent. To break it down, I actually scored 5 marks higher in my essay, but lost them on the mini-essay and self reflection. HOW CAN YOU LOSE MARKS ON SELF REFLECTION??? Nobody can answer me this.

My confidence is pretty much gone. I know that part of the 'joy' of distance learning is writing how THEY want you to, and my writing style is waaaay too descriptive, I can't get myself into the right mindset to work on it. I keep wondering what the point is. I know it's a pass, I know it's not a bad pass, I KNOW I SOUND MELODRAMATIC.
But I feel like my marks are not reflecting my understanding of the course. I just don't know quite how to turn what I've learnt into something my tutor can give better marks to.

My next TMA is due in two weeks and I haven't started it yet (bearing in mind my last two were submitted long before the cut-off). I've done all the reading and tomorrow, I shall write an essay plan and I shall try and make it a PROPER essay plan instead of some bish-bash-bosh notes. I read on someone's blog that think of essays as a 'tree to hang their knowledge on' and this has slightly inspired me. I need to write in shorter sentences, make sure it makes sense and flows.

Then begins the project, of which I am nominated co-ordinator. I am actually looking forward to it at the moment, though God knows for how long! I will get my next TMA results when I'm on holiday...so I hope they're not shit or I'll be sad. Kinda gotta write the thing first...

At least I'm still getting 100% on the iCMAs!

The results

I scored 60%.

That equates to full marks for parts B and C, and 45 out of 85 for my essay. I got full marks on the writing skills elements.

I am a bit disappointed, I cannot lie. I nearly cried when I read my score, like a prick.

It's a pass 3, which is a C according to OU classification. I probably shouldn't be so disappointed. I can see exactly where I went 'wrong', even without feedback, and I need to try and work out how to fix it for next time.

My next essay is due on May 3rd. I'm halfway through the reading for it. I think this time I might try more formally planning it, rather than just mind-vomiting all over my laptop. I think I'll take my time, panic less and not be in such a massive anxious haste to submit.

In better news, I got 100% on my first iCMA. So in a surreal turn of events, I did better at maths than english!