Communion smells of red wine. Of the resurrection and the life to come.
Communion smells of red wine. Communion smells of Mum.
Six days before Mum died, some of us gathered at her bedside and the vicar came and did Communion. I didn't know they did that, but they do. She brought the wine and wafers in an ornate box, and we sat on an odd assortment of pews and we prayed together. Mum, by that point, was quite beyond conversation. She was confused, she had terrible shakes, she was in pain. We did not know if there was much point in Communion, except that Mum wanted it. Before her illness got so severe, God became more important to Mum than ever. Many would lose their faith in the face of suffering. Mum's got stronger. She did not fear death because she had great faith in what was to come, and the suffering was part of that. She believed in the cleansing power of pain. Mum saw nothing unnatural in dying, nothing unusual in it. She did not pity herself. She enthroned herself in life.
I digress. We sat by Mum, and we had Communion, a short form. And Mum, unable to swallow, swallowed the bread, the wine. And she knew all the words, she mouthed them along with the vicar as she shook and spasmed and faded away. The words she'd spoken every single Sunday as a child, and as many Sundays as she could as an adult were deeply embedded in her consciousness, away from the pain and the toxicity. She knew.
The vicar made arrangements to return the following week, but was about twelve hours too late.
I could not bear to go to Communion again. I could not bear to break the last covenant made with my mother. I could not bear to speak the words, to go to the altar and taste the bread, the red wine. I could not bear to sit there alone, without her. I could not bear the pain.
But Easter came round and I knew exactly what Mum would say to that. She would call me a bloody heathen and harumph and judge as she busied herself with cooking. Not going to church on Easter Sunday may not get you excommunicated anymore, but as far as she was concerned, it bloody well should do.
So I went. And the claims of eternal life and resurrection felt hollow. Death has not lost its sting. Heaven feels far away.
And an old woman was ill during the sermon. I took her pulse. It felt wrong. I told her husband to call a doctor. I sent her home. I had no authority to do any of those things. I just did. Someone had to. I don't know if she died. That would be a bitter irony.
And then it was time for Communion and I went to the altar, and I tasted the wafer. It stuck in my throat, dry and fresh for Easter. I sipped the red wine. It tasted of Mum, and life, and death, and alcohol first thing in the morning.
And I broke that small link between me and Mum and I cried.
Because grief does not stop with the funeral. Grief does not stop with the seasons. Grief does not know how many days, weeks, months it's been. Grief is a tidal wave, every single thing resonant with meaning. Grief is frightening. People who are not grieving fear it, they shy away from it because they don't know what to say. They don't know what will help. They have not learned that nothing helps except time, but time itself feels like aeons of pain. I am afraid of a life without my mum. It has been almost six months and I am still so afraid, afraid to live and to keep going. I have so much to tell her and she cannot reply. I am scared I will falter without her guidance. I am scared I will fuck up.
I work. I look after my kids. I study. I try and see my friends. I try and be normal. But I am marking time until I feel normal again, knowing it might never happen.
Taking Communion was one tiny step, with huge symbolic meaning. There are many more steps to take.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
24 Apr 2017
15 Nov 2015
National Bigot Day
You don't need me to tell you how fucking indefensible the Paris atrocity is. Equally, you shouldn't need me to tell you that not all Muslim, immigrants and refugees are terrorists. Frankly, if you honestly cannot get your head round the fact that IS are to Muslims as Hitler was to Christians, and Stalin to atheists, then I don't want to be friends.
Because it's that merry time of year once more, when all your friends who you thought were reasonably rational, intelligent people out themselves as right wing bigots. Now, as any fool knows, for the average bigot, being CALLED bigoted is far more offensive than ACTUALLY BEING BIGOTED. The statuses abound with people stating a really nasty opinion ("Fucking Muslims should all be shot! Refugees are really terrorists! Close the borders or they'll come over here AND KILL US!"), being called out on it, and then getting upset and claiming it's their opinion and they have a right to state it.
And, my right leaning friends, you do. You have EVERY right to state it. One of the greatest aspects of Western society is freedom of speech.
However, that doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you. It doesn't mean you're right; factually, morally or ethically. It doesn't mean you shouldn't expect to have to defend that opinion. It doesn't mean everyone else has to listen to it without right to reply.
And people arguing with your opinion is not an attack on your right to free speech either. An argument on facebook is not akin to being flogged for a blog, or shot for wanting an education. It is literally people disagreeing with you, for a good reason, and you not being able to deal with that.
Over a hundred people going about their daily lives got killed for nothing on Friday night. They hadn't done anything to deserve it. They didn't know they were going to die. They were at a gig, out for dinner, having a walk, normal weekend activities. And now they're dead.
They're dead because a viciously bigoted organisation believe that there is only one right way to live, and anyone who doesn't subscribe to their viewpoint deserves to die. So as you weep over someone telling you why you're wrong on Facebook, remember that IS have taken that weeping and turned it into hate, into death, into control. They want you to hate all Muslims - it strengthens their us vs them message. They want you to view refugees with suspicion and alarm - they are the ones who drove them out in the first place. They want us to close our borders - it proves their point.
You are playing into their hands.
Because it's that merry time of year once more, when all your friends who you thought were reasonably rational, intelligent people out themselves as right wing bigots. Now, as any fool knows, for the average bigot, being CALLED bigoted is far more offensive than ACTUALLY BEING BIGOTED. The statuses abound with people stating a really nasty opinion ("Fucking Muslims should all be shot! Refugees are really terrorists! Close the borders or they'll come over here AND KILL US!"), being called out on it, and then getting upset and claiming it's their opinion and they have a right to state it.
And, my right leaning friends, you do. You have EVERY right to state it. One of the greatest aspects of Western society is freedom of speech.
However, that doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you. It doesn't mean you're right; factually, morally or ethically. It doesn't mean you shouldn't expect to have to defend that opinion. It doesn't mean everyone else has to listen to it without right to reply.
And people arguing with your opinion is not an attack on your right to free speech either. An argument on facebook is not akin to being flogged for a blog, or shot for wanting an education. It is literally people disagreeing with you, for a good reason, and you not being able to deal with that.
Over a hundred people going about their daily lives got killed for nothing on Friday night. They hadn't done anything to deserve it. They didn't know they were going to die. They were at a gig, out for dinner, having a walk, normal weekend activities. And now they're dead.
They're dead because a viciously bigoted organisation believe that there is only one right way to live, and anyone who doesn't subscribe to their viewpoint deserves to die. So as you weep over someone telling you why you're wrong on Facebook, remember that IS have taken that weeping and turned it into hate, into death, into control. They want you to hate all Muslims - it strengthens their us vs them message. They want you to view refugees with suspicion and alarm - they are the ones who drove them out in the first place. They want us to close our borders - it proves their point.
You are playing into their hands.
20 May 2015
Culture and Bodies
Richard Dawkins posted a link to a story about a woman sent to jail for contravening a court order, insisting on her son's circumcision. Richard Dawkins, noted atheist, said this is wrong because it's based on respect for religion.
A very brief bit of research demonstrated that neither father nor mother are Jewish or Muslim (both of which require infant male circumcision), and the father is on record as saying he wants his son circumcised for personal reasons.
The USA has a strong culture of male infant circumcision, based on ideas of cleanliness and health, rather than religion. The USA's board of paediatricians say that it the benefits of male infant circumcision outweigh the risks of the procedure.
Some atheists shun religion on the base of no evidence. Empiricism is at the heart of atheism - "show me the proof and I'll believe". Well, in the USA, the evidence seems to point to male infant circumcision being beneficial. On this basis, surely all infant males should be circumcised?
Well, no, they argue, because there is choice. But where does the notion of bodily autonomy come into atheism, an ideology based on evidence and facts?
We have a humanity-old tradition of our bodies being good only if intact and whole. This is a tradition that has endured, despite knowing our entire body regenerates every few years and is not, therefore, the same body as we started with. The DNA remains, but the cells regenerate constantly, otherwise we wouldn't get cancer. Amputees do not just suffer from the physical loss of their limb, but from the psychological effects. The tradition that we take our bodies with us to the afterlife goes back as long as we can find graves for ancient people. People were buried with things they used in life, things they might need in death, even slaves. This didn't stop with the birth of the big monotheistic faiths, or with the slow decline in religious belief. Even today, we sometimes tuck in mementos and possessions with our loved ones before their burial or cremation, whether we consider ourselves religious or not.
Various cultures all over the world deform their bodies with knives, with brands, with tattoos, with lip-plates, for reasons of religion, or traditional heritage, or to meet their particular standard of beauty. In the UK, this tends to be limited to tattoos, piercings and cosmetic plastic surgery. Harder body modifications like scarification are considered abnormal, whereas piercing a baby's ears is socially acceptable. Orlan, a French artist, has repeatedly undergone plastic surgery to challenge the norms of beauty, and been castigated for it. Too many modifications are seen by some as a sign of mental instability. It is entirely culturally dependent.
Circumcision was originally adopted by the Jews to differentiate themselves from the Gentiles. It was adopted by the Islamic faith for similar reasons, and broadly common in the Middle East at that time. It is the oldest surgical practice on record.
Unlike female genital mutilation, which is widely condemned for the barbaric practice that it is, male circumcision is considered generally harmless, with a very small risk of side effects. It is not specific to religion. In the UK, it is almost solely done either for religious reasons or because of phimosis (the foreskin 'balloons' when the child urinates). It has not been normalised through tradition. In the USA, things are very different. There is a growing anti-circumcision movement within the USA, but it is still a normal thing to do to your newborn son.
People do things because their culture informs their practice, and religion has often informed their culture. When people claim the UK is not a Christian country, perhaps they mean in terms of going to church and professed religion. In this, they are correct. But culturally, it is wholly Christian. We don't generally work Sundays, because of religion. Shops aren't open for as long for the same reason.The church practiced the earliest forms of taxation, and that noble tradition has continued in earnest. We get Easter and Christmas and the second bank holiday in May off because of Christianity. Going back further, we celebrate Bonfire night, Halloween, May Day, and touch wood for good luck, because of ancient religious practices we don't even have records for.
Unusually, the USA's preference for circumcision doesn't seem to be based on religion, but medical belief and recent tradition. It is, in fact, an exception to the religion=culture=practice rule.
So, it entertained me a little bit to see Atheism's Self-Appointed Spokesman attacking a court judgement based on evidence and personal autonomy, because of assumptions of religious connotations.
PS: I don't agree with the court ruling, at all. That poor child.
Boy doesn't want circumcision. His mother wants to protect him. So she’s jailed. “Respect” for religion strikes again
http://t.co/K1YNQ5Chv0
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) May 19, 2015
A very brief bit of research demonstrated that neither father nor mother are Jewish or Muslim (both of which require infant male circumcision), and the father is on record as saying he wants his son circumcised for personal reasons.
The USA has a strong culture of male infant circumcision, based on ideas of cleanliness and health, rather than religion. The USA's board of paediatricians say that it the benefits of male infant circumcision outweigh the risks of the procedure.
Some atheists shun religion on the base of no evidence. Empiricism is at the heart of atheism - "show me the proof and I'll believe". Well, in the USA, the evidence seems to point to male infant circumcision being beneficial. On this basis, surely all infant males should be circumcised?
Well, no, they argue, because there is choice. But where does the notion of bodily autonomy come into atheism, an ideology based on evidence and facts?
We have a humanity-old tradition of our bodies being good only if intact and whole. This is a tradition that has endured, despite knowing our entire body regenerates every few years and is not, therefore, the same body as we started with. The DNA remains, but the cells regenerate constantly, otherwise we wouldn't get cancer. Amputees do not just suffer from the physical loss of their limb, but from the psychological effects. The tradition that we take our bodies with us to the afterlife goes back as long as we can find graves for ancient people. People were buried with things they used in life, things they might need in death, even slaves. This didn't stop with the birth of the big monotheistic faiths, or with the slow decline in religious belief. Even today, we sometimes tuck in mementos and possessions with our loved ones before their burial or cremation, whether we consider ourselves religious or not.
Various cultures all over the world deform their bodies with knives, with brands, with tattoos, with lip-plates, for reasons of religion, or traditional heritage, or to meet their particular standard of beauty. In the UK, this tends to be limited to tattoos, piercings and cosmetic plastic surgery. Harder body modifications like scarification are considered abnormal, whereas piercing a baby's ears is socially acceptable. Orlan, a French artist, has repeatedly undergone plastic surgery to challenge the norms of beauty, and been castigated for it. Too many modifications are seen by some as a sign of mental instability. It is entirely culturally dependent.
Circumcision was originally adopted by the Jews to differentiate themselves from the Gentiles. It was adopted by the Islamic faith for similar reasons, and broadly common in the Middle East at that time. It is the oldest surgical practice on record.
Unlike female genital mutilation, which is widely condemned for the barbaric practice that it is, male circumcision is considered generally harmless, with a very small risk of side effects. It is not specific to religion. In the UK, it is almost solely done either for religious reasons or because of phimosis (the foreskin 'balloons' when the child urinates). It has not been normalised through tradition. In the USA, things are very different. There is a growing anti-circumcision movement within the USA, but it is still a normal thing to do to your newborn son.
People do things because their culture informs their practice, and religion has often informed their culture. When people claim the UK is not a Christian country, perhaps they mean in terms of going to church and professed religion. In this, they are correct. But culturally, it is wholly Christian. We don't generally work Sundays, because of religion. Shops aren't open for as long for the same reason.The church practiced the earliest forms of taxation, and that noble tradition has continued in earnest. We get Easter and Christmas and the second bank holiday in May off because of Christianity. Going back further, we celebrate Bonfire night, Halloween, May Day, and touch wood for good luck, because of ancient religious practices we don't even have records for.
Unusually, the USA's preference for circumcision doesn't seem to be based on religion, but medical belief and recent tradition. It is, in fact, an exception to the religion=culture=practice rule.
So, it entertained me a little bit to see Atheism's Self-Appointed Spokesman attacking a court judgement based on evidence and personal autonomy, because of assumptions of religious connotations.
PS: I don't agree with the court ruling, at all. That poor child.
5 Apr 2015
When Right-Wing Politicians Use Religion As A Selling Point
So, Nigel Farage has justified his views that HIV immigrants should be denied treatment as a 'sensible, Christian thing to do'.
Meanwhile, in Conservative land, David Cameron is 'standing up' for the Christian faith.
It is Easter Sunday. For many of you, it means little beyond chocolate eggs, a long weekend and a chance to catch up with friends and family. Good! As with Christmas, it is something we can all enjoy, regardless of faith. However, from a Christian point of view, it's something a little deeper. Everyone knows Jesus was crucified, and then rose again.
Here's a very rare R.E lesson from me, on Easter:
Jesus was a man. Oh he was the son of God, and supposed to be perfect, but he was also in a human body, and subject to the same cultural prejudice and conditioning as everyone else in his society. And his society was a right-wing patriarchy, where the Roman Empire was in charge, despite having little in common with normal people, and the church monopolised ethical behaviour, often hypocritically. Sound familiar?
So, Jesus was a man, but he was not like others, while also being the same as everyone else. He worked. He went to the church. He welcomed women amongst his followers, as friends. He was totally unafraid of the sick. 'Leprosy' at the time was considered similar to HIV in the 80s - you had to go and live outside civilisation if you had it. And the church decided if you had leprosy, so often you might just have particularly vicious eczema or acne. He accepted the poor, the sick, and the shunned as better and more deserving than those with money or power.
Jesus was killed, on trumped up charges because he was giving the church such a hard time and causing a lot of trouble. According to the Bible, this was a perfect sacrifice, because he had done nothing wrong. The importance of sacrifice in the most ancient religions has been lost, but you gave up something you really needed (usually food, clothing and wealth, in the form of animals) in exchange for forgiveness. Deuteronomy is full of the different sacrifices that had to be given either to thank God, or in exchange for forgiveness.
The world needed Jesus. The world killed Jesus. The world was forgiven.
Jesus rose again, proving the world was forgiven, that God was real, that God was his father.
So, on Easter Sunday, the Christians are happy because we were saved by one man's selflessness. I know, it's full of theological plotholes, but that's the message.
Now, the Christian message has been so warped and demented over time, that it's sometimes quite difficult to understand that Jesus was an example of total radical thinking and cultural overhaul. The Christian message has been co-opted by those in power to win them more power over the years, losing the inclusive, social justice imperatives that were quite simply revolutionary in the first few centuries CE. The powerful stories in Christianity have been adapted to suit different cultural beliefs (Easter probably didn't actually happen in Spring, but a lot of fertility rites did, so it superseded them, See also: Christmas and the birth of the new year) and the laws of the old testament have been used to develop law systems across the world.
In other words, the rigid, right-wing, superior exclusivity that is now viewed representative of Christianity is A TOTAL BASTARDISATION.
Nothing shows this more than the British right wing political parties (and similar across the world) using Christianity to justify their shattering policies of giving more to the privileged and taking from those in need.
Christianity is about love, acceptance, fairness, equality. It's about helping those most in need. It's about sharing. If Jesus were alive today, he would be screaming from the rooftops about how hideously unfair welfare reforms, taxation loopholes and criminalising poverty is. That's what he did in his own time, according to the Bible. That's why the powers that were killed him.
He wouldn't be sitting in judgement on people with HIV. He wouldn't be taking from the disabled, and workless. He wouldn't be exploiting workers. He wouldn't be encouraging the government to take from the poor to increase the rich.
If you consider yourself a Christian, and you support UKIP (and to a lesser extent, the Conservatives) you really need to reconsider your faith, or your politics.
Faith and politics should be kept as far apart as possible, because nothing shows up the rampant hypocrisy of government like pretending to have God on their side.
Meanwhile, in Conservative land, David Cameron is 'standing up' for the Christian faith.
It is Easter Sunday. For many of you, it means little beyond chocolate eggs, a long weekend and a chance to catch up with friends and family. Good! As with Christmas, it is something we can all enjoy, regardless of faith. However, from a Christian point of view, it's something a little deeper. Everyone knows Jesus was crucified, and then rose again.
Here's a very rare R.E lesson from me, on Easter:
Jesus was a man. Oh he was the son of God, and supposed to be perfect, but he was also in a human body, and subject to the same cultural prejudice and conditioning as everyone else in his society. And his society was a right-wing patriarchy, where the Roman Empire was in charge, despite having little in common with normal people, and the church monopolised ethical behaviour, often hypocritically. Sound familiar?
So, Jesus was a man, but he was not like others, while also being the same as everyone else. He worked. He went to the church. He welcomed women amongst his followers, as friends. He was totally unafraid of the sick. 'Leprosy' at the time was considered similar to HIV in the 80s - you had to go and live outside civilisation if you had it. And the church decided if you had leprosy, so often you might just have particularly vicious eczema or acne. He accepted the poor, the sick, and the shunned as better and more deserving than those with money or power.
Jesus was killed, on trumped up charges because he was giving the church such a hard time and causing a lot of trouble. According to the Bible, this was a perfect sacrifice, because he had done nothing wrong. The importance of sacrifice in the most ancient religions has been lost, but you gave up something you really needed (usually food, clothing and wealth, in the form of animals) in exchange for forgiveness. Deuteronomy is full of the different sacrifices that had to be given either to thank God, or in exchange for forgiveness.
The world needed Jesus. The world killed Jesus. The world was forgiven.
Jesus rose again, proving the world was forgiven, that God was real, that God was his father.
So, on Easter Sunday, the Christians are happy because we were saved by one man's selflessness. I know, it's full of theological plotholes, but that's the message.
Now, the Christian message has been so warped and demented over time, that it's sometimes quite difficult to understand that Jesus was an example of total radical thinking and cultural overhaul. The Christian message has been co-opted by those in power to win them more power over the years, losing the inclusive, social justice imperatives that were quite simply revolutionary in the first few centuries CE. The powerful stories in Christianity have been adapted to suit different cultural beliefs (Easter probably didn't actually happen in Spring, but a lot of fertility rites did, so it superseded them, See also: Christmas and the birth of the new year) and the laws of the old testament have been used to develop law systems across the world.
In other words, the rigid, right-wing, superior exclusivity that is now viewed representative of Christianity is A TOTAL BASTARDISATION.
Nothing shows this more than the British right wing political parties (and similar across the world) using Christianity to justify their shattering policies of giving more to the privileged and taking from those in need.
Christianity is about love, acceptance, fairness, equality. It's about helping those most in need. It's about sharing. If Jesus were alive today, he would be screaming from the rooftops about how hideously unfair welfare reforms, taxation loopholes and criminalising poverty is. That's what he did in his own time, according to the Bible. That's why the powers that were killed him.
He wouldn't be sitting in judgement on people with HIV. He wouldn't be taking from the disabled, and workless. He wouldn't be exploiting workers. He wouldn't be encouraging the government to take from the poor to increase the rich.
If you consider yourself a Christian, and you support UKIP (and to a lesser extent, the Conservatives) you really need to reconsider your faith, or your politics.
Faith and politics should be kept as far apart as possible, because nothing shows up the rampant hypocrisy of government like pretending to have God on their side.
7 Mar 2012
Defender of faith
I am religious. I know I don't seem religious. If there is one thing I cannot abide, with my British stiff-upper lip, it is evangelical fervour. So you think God has saved you. Good, I'm glad, please stop trying to convert me to something I ALREADY BELIEVE IN.
I think faith is something so intensely personal, that no two people believe in exactly the same thing. Organised worship doesn't really appeal to me. I don't think I will only be allowed into heaven if I go to church every sunday. I think we will be judged on more than our actions for 52 hours a year.
I believe in the Holy Trinity. However, I swear, I blaspheme, technically I commit adultery, I have had sex before marriage, I use contraception, I support the legality and free availability of abortion. I don't believe anyone, least of all a celibate priest, has the right to tell people what they are allowed to do in bed. I believe in marriage for all, regardless of gender or sexuality. I don't believe God cares that much about people's sex lives. I don't take the Bible literally. I don't believe in original sin, I don't believe in hell, I believe science and religion aren't opposite. I don't believe in creationism. I believe schools should teach world religion, affording no significance to one religion over any other. I don't believe religion has any place in politics and this trend in the US for politicians to alienate women to win fundamentalist votes scares me.
All fundamentalism scares me, regardless of belief. Wars have been fought in the name of God that were actually fought over the greed of man. Any man or woman who does something abhorrent in the name of God revolts me. It is an abuse of belief, a dreadful blasphemy. It is to equate oneself with God, to assume that one is more than a mere animal.
It is not Christian to judge, to scorn, to hurt or to hold a grudge, and yet millions of allegedly good Christians do it every day just because someone believes something that they do not.
I will debate religion with anyone, on the understanding that I will never change their mind and they will never change mine, and it is not the purpose of the debate to do so. Respect is the key, and there is so little respect left in such emotive topics.
I think faith is something so intensely personal, that no two people believe in exactly the same thing. Organised worship doesn't really appeal to me. I don't think I will only be allowed into heaven if I go to church every sunday. I think we will be judged on more than our actions for 52 hours a year.
I believe in the Holy Trinity. However, I swear, I blaspheme, technically I commit adultery, I have had sex before marriage, I use contraception, I support the legality and free availability of abortion. I don't believe anyone, least of all a celibate priest, has the right to tell people what they are allowed to do in bed. I believe in marriage for all, regardless of gender or sexuality. I don't believe God cares that much about people's sex lives. I don't take the Bible literally. I don't believe in original sin, I don't believe in hell, I believe science and religion aren't opposite. I don't believe in creationism. I believe schools should teach world religion, affording no significance to one religion over any other. I don't believe religion has any place in politics and this trend in the US for politicians to alienate women to win fundamentalist votes scares me.
All fundamentalism scares me, regardless of belief. Wars have been fought in the name of God that were actually fought over the greed of man. Any man or woman who does something abhorrent in the name of God revolts me. It is an abuse of belief, a dreadful blasphemy. It is to equate oneself with God, to assume that one is more than a mere animal.
It is not Christian to judge, to scorn, to hurt or to hold a grudge, and yet millions of allegedly good Christians do it every day just because someone believes something that they do not.
I will debate religion with anyone, on the understanding that I will never change their mind and they will never change mine, and it is not the purpose of the debate to do so. Respect is the key, and there is so little respect left in such emotive topics.
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